your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Soap is not a condiment
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
