Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
