Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
