the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
