You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
