My liver just broke up with me...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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