yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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