I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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