She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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