its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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