Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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