Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
