I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
