At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
