Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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