at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
