Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
