i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
