did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
