so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
