I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
