How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
