I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
