I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
