Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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