Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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