it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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