Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
