Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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