Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
