3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
