So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
