I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
