We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
