but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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