I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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