Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
