We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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