If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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