i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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