Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
