My first STD was from a foam party
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
