i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
