She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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