We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
