You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
