guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize