i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
