she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
