You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
