yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
