Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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