What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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