Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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