3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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