exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
