I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
