like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
