I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize