oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
