Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
