I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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