woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
