i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
