you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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