I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
