My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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